Tisha B’Av on a Bright Summer Day
It’s the height of summer, full of warm sunny days, beautiful flowers and beaches. Fun, right? Mark your calendars for vacations and summer camps!
For Jews, this weekend is something different. It’s the days to slowly descend into the darkest part of our souls, our spiritual inner home, and open the the rooms within ourselves that carry memory. Since July 13, we have been in our season of grief, of אֲנִיָה, o’ni’ya.
What is this season and why does it come smack dab in the middle of summer?
This year, July 13 was the Hebrew date of 17th Tammuz, the beginning of our בין המצרים, Bein ha-Metzarim . Bein Ha-metzarim means ‘between the tight places’, or ‘between a rock and a hard place.’ 17th of Tammuz marks the day the Romans breached the walls of Jerusalem, leading to the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 CE, the last time we lived fully in our homeland (until our formal return in 1948).
August 2, Tisha b’av, the 9th of Av, (three weeks after 17th Tammuz) is our Big Day of Grief. On that fast day, we collect all the memories of persecutions, horror, expulsions, pogroms, concentration camps, acts of antisemitism, and dump them into the middle of our spiritual living rooms to remember and sift through. It’s as if we do a summer clean out of all the centuries- old (and contemporary) accumulated hatred and death that live in the trauma room in the basement of our souls.
Oct 7 requires its own unique day of mourning. But perhaps, one day, when we are ready, Oct 7 will be added to that room, and to our Tisha B’av Big Day of Grief. Perhaps Pittsburgh, Boulder, and too many other contemporary antisemitic experiences will be added as well.
But, today I wonder: why did the rabbis choose the 9th of Av, the middle of summer, for our Big Day of Grief? They could have chosen any day during the Romans’ attack of Jerusalem.
What is the connection between summer and grief?
I have been working on a new Mussar middah (trait) for Grief. How can grief help us change our lives for the better? How can it help us strengthen our inner holiness?
Grief is hard, painful, and narrows our vision. Grief is like the cracks in a broken uneven sidewalk. When in grief, all we can focus on are the broken cracks of our hearts and lives. Jewish mourning rituals keep us looking at the cracks, and moving forward slowly so we don’t fall and hurt ourselves. Grief and mourning requires us to live with intention, using every kaddish as a bridge over each crack.
Just because it’s summer, grief doesn’t go away, nor should it.
My wise friend Linda said, ‘The clear out may be done, but the basement is still there. ‘
Our burial rituals are called Kavod Ha-met–Respect for the Dead,for good reason. Kavod also means heaviness, weightiness, significance. Loss, grief and memories can be heavy on our hearts, and deserve to be acknowledged as significant. Even our ancient losses continue to weigh on the Jewish heart.
Grief is associated with pain but Tisha B’av in the summer can help turn pain into memories that support us as a Jewish community.
The timing helps us see that grief can remind us of what has been significant in our past. It roots us in history and lineage. In grief, we look down, toward the earth where our beloved and ancient ones are buried. Our focus is on pain and loss.
Summer opens our perspectives, and we automatically lift our eyes up, toward the expansiveness of the sea, fields, walks, lakehouses, and long days. Summertime can lessen the connection between grief and pain. The grief is there, but the pain is mitigated by beauty. On Tisha B’av, we emerge from the basement of our soul, into the summer opening of our heart.
This year, at Tisha B’av, may our grief be a blessing; and a teacher. May the grief be a witness to our life experience, and our loves.